Bronzey Writes... Oh Am I Rambling Again?...

Just pouring out thoughts...

2008-12-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

the way he walks the way he smiles the way he uses his tool to plow my field the way he chops me down like a meal the way he talks to me when hes fucking me the way he stalks me and makes me feel like im the most important thing in the entire world the way we he calls my friends and family up when i lock him off and change my numbers the way he writes the way he dresses the way he grabs me wen i try to walk away the way he never leaves messages but will keep calling until i answer the way he looks at me the way he brags about me the way he admires me but envies me the way he lets me go but doesnt let me go the way he lies and makes up stories the way he weaves his way in and out of shit especially when he has fucked up the way he pursues other women the way he threw me in the trash when his "real girlfriend" had to pay his bills the way he denied me and fronted on me before and does to this day the way he uses and abuses my trust the way he neglects me the way he idolizes things i am completely against the way he speaks the way he thinks the way he has me utterly fucked up the way he tricked my mom into liking him the way he leaves me vulnerable the way he leaves and comes back like nothing happened the way he has haunted my thoughts and my soul for twenty one months the way my baby would have looked if i had not flushed it down the toilet the way his name might not be his the way his identity might not be him the way he drives the way the way he will know but not care the way he will know but not try the way he will say but not do, its why I can't get over you.

5am on a Sunday morning

2008-12-07T05:28:00.001-05:00

And I'm loving this Eric Benet track.

Another Friday night at home

2008-11-21T23:46:00.001-05:00

Blah...
No concrete thoughts

New

2008-11-19T17:30:00.004-05:00

Q-tip - Gettin Up

(Sidebar: In the past week I have written 4 papers. Yes, FOUR papers. All over 14+ pages. I'm exhausted, but feeling driven. Can't waittttttttttt for the weekend.)

Bronzey

2008-11-17T15:40:00.004-05:00

is incredibly sad.

I had a good weekend

2008-11-17T02:32:00.007-05:00

Despite the fact that my weekends consist of only one day (Sundays) I managed to break myself off a surprisingly relaxing and beautiful time. Amidst the company of my dear sweetie Ms. Nancy, I kicked back, did laundry, got my hair done, watched some (bom bom) African Movies and topped it off with a pina colada and some nachos! It was well-needed ME and her time, but mainly me time lol. I turned off my phone and dedicated my time to replenishing my soul and mind. Chicks be getting frustrated and stressed when they be juggling University (NOT COLLEGE!! yea I sed it bitch) studies, work, bills, headache from confused ex-boyfriends and a budding career in writing and Public policy. Let`s just agree that I SO needed the time out.

I cleaned up all evening Saturday after work, left for the night and came back to a beautiful clean, shiny floored apartment when I returned home Sunday night. So while I'm lugging my bags through my crib, I take a look around at the empty dismal space and get this SICKKK idea. I really REALLY want a Japanese-Themed apartment.

This newfound interest explains why I am sitting here at 2:30 in the morning posting this blog and researching the whole Japanese-design phenomena, when I full well know I have work at 10am in the morning lol.

Now when I first moved I promised my parents that I would NOT blow out my pockets and hard-earned money furnishing an apartment with just a one-year lease. I assured them that I would be smart about where I was putting my money and I have strong intensions of keeping my word as promise. As such, My goals are a)create an environment that I love and am comfortable in and b) find cost-effective ways to make the place I love, lovely. So as I am doing my research, I have taken down a few points to note for my apartment shopping process. First of all, IKEA is a girls BEST friend. GET familiar with that place for real.

Last week I was there and I purchased a black glow lamp. I just stuck it right in my living room with no particular design theme, so I figure I`m going to use that lamp as my design base and build my living room around it.

When we first got into the move (Oct 1) I bought madd items from there, ie. black plates, black everything lol, so let me just say I endorse IKEA for Prime Minister. Straight. Anyways my research has brought me to the following conclusions regarding my living room building process

i. blinds
ii. mats
iii. lamps
iv. minimal clutter and reduced complexity
v. only TWO couches
vi. simple colors - white, black, brown, orange
vii. natural or modern picture - flower, human face, animal
viii. plants (dont really coincide with the theme, but they help add texture to the place)
ix. short and low furniture ie couches, coffee tables
x. glass, transparency, open concepts

And while I`m doing my design research thang, I have my side piece of music playing. Enjoy the sounds of one of my favorite artsits: Miguel - Go

Friday Night At Home

2008-11-15T00:10:00.001-05:00

It's a Friday night, well let's say an early Saturday morning.

I had a pretty steady day, I've been up and down driving around the town. Buying useful items, looking at chairs and other furnitures, trying to figure out what color couches I want for my apartment livingroom. My roomate and I have been thinking about chestnut brown and beige blends for the living, those colors seemingly go right in with our personalities, but we'll see. The goal is to have the place done by Christmas. That gives us...a bit over 5 weeks?. ...

I am just way too tired, to sound all smart and snazzy. So I'm keeping it real right now. I get home from all of that, I get into my bi-weekly ritual and get my nails done. My girl put me onto this DOPE manicurist named Twan. He did me up something proper! Pix of those probably in a few days...

And as for now...

I've been up working on my Policy Paper due next week Wednesday. Yes, I'm getting a head start!! Teehee, Yes I realize congrats are in order. Working on a paper that's actually not due the day after?!

I'm pretty confident in this paper, I'm taking a look at Canadian efforts to help relieve Caribbean nations with high levels of drug and violence. I think when I graduate University in a few months I'll probably want to get into a Public Policy career that can attack these issues, which are very personal to me as I am of Caribbean parentage. But we'll wait and pray about that!

Anyway, to accompany me on this lonesome lethargic night.... A beautiful song I have been humming to all week. I didn't even know what it was called or who was the artist until today. (Thx J)

I believe this could be my possible wedding song...

Lifehouse - You and Me

Killing me...Dead

2008-11-12T01:38:00.007-05:00

I've been up tossing and turning for over an hour
My mind keeps dancing to thoughts of him on the beat of his drums, his hums, love
Or lack thereof
I feel so so twisted. Too twisted. Too haunted
Where is he? On nights like this when I am alone
Sheltered, confined to the walls of my solitude
Pinned to my bed like a zombie
The outline of his body, like a shadow, it lingers, it haunts me
I would ask for advice but I'm too prideful
I would call him but I'm too prideful
Damn B, why you gotta be so prideful
I would take out my toy and glide him right in, but I need a human's touch
Nah bump that, I need to feel HIS TOUCH
Or at least hear HIS voice
telling me, it's OK... and that he is feeling the same way
Reassuring me that if he had his way, he would be here to stay
Forever, with me, to hold me as we dine into the night's starlight
And unravel into me all night
Whisk me into bliss, our own version of peace before we woke up to sunshine
But He is not here
with me, he's off someplace else
And No when I think of it, I don't want him to be.. here
It was just two days ago when I asked him to let me be
Free
free from pain, anxiety, paranoia and fear of him leaving me
For another, or returning to the one he left for me
This is confusing
I'm getting a headache when I should be getting ahead.
Or maybe getting some head
from him
That would be nice (lol)
I hate that you do this to me
I HATE THIS. I hate you
Shoot, HATE is a strong word but I HATE YOU
Why did you do this to me
You came into my world and tainted it
Now I(t) will never be the same again
The shadow is still lingering, I feel it over my head
Why is your face penetrating my thoughts
Why is your smell permeating my lungs
Why are your words, though soft deafening my ears
"Whose pussy is this?" "Do you love me?" "Promise me you`ll never leave me"

WHY IS THAT ALL I CAN HEAR!!
Your love shouldn`t be killing me softly
I`m already dead...............
I need you to get out of my head.

Some Pictures in the Cam

2008-11-11T15:01:00.001-05:00

So Lets's see. My semi-introduction to this blog world. (I've had 2 blogs before, where'd they go??) I'm a student in my last year of University, a receptionist at a successful business, a writer and (I like to believe) thinker and a sometimes photographer. I also like pina coladas.

But just because I'm insistent on procrastinating.when I know I have things to do...:)..

Scenery

Babies

People

Today I need to do what I came on Earth to do...

2008-11-11T14:09:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here thinking about what I should be doing instead of doing it. I'll be back once I complete my tasks.